BY REBECCA MACKLIN
ONE of the greatest problems facing many families today is the lack of leadership in the family structure. One of the main reasons being the husbands’ refusal to acknowledge their roles as the head of the family.
Some husbands don’t realize that God has ordained them for this role, while others simply don’t understand how they should lead; still others simply refuse to lead.
Some of the men do not realize that many of the serious problems that are occurring in their homes directly result from their failure to lead. It is clear that the lack of the husband’s leadership in his home will definitely create a chain reaction of marital, financial, and parenting problems.
Solomon Women Newspaper has taken this opportunity to interview a local woman about her experience living with a husband and his irresponsible attitude which has resulted in many hardships for her and her children.
Solomon Women Newspaper (SWN): Tell me your name & Age.
Anonymous (A): I’m 32 and I’m from Malaita. I’m not comfortable to give my name to the media otherwise I’ll get told off by my husband and my in laws.
SWN: How many children do you have?
A: I have 4 children. Age between 15 – 7 years old. My eldest son is in Form 2 and my daughter is in Grade 2. My twin girls are eager to attend school but hem barava hard for payem school fee so they just stay at home.
SWN: What do you do for a living?
A: “Mi barava suffer tumas nao,” (I suffer far too much) she responded as she grasped for words that could describe her suffering. For the last 3 years I struggled day in and day out to support my children especially with school fees, and their daily needs like food and clothes.
Life is not easy, she said tearfully as she hid her face embarrassed by her tears. I’m not educated so the only job I can do is house cleaning. Luckily I have secured a 2 day job from which I get paid $200 per week. Other days I must go to the garden to plant and get food like cassava and I try each week to make ring cakes to sell.
Being the only breadwinner for my family is too much for me. Struggling each day is too much for the heart. At night I hardly sleep. “Ting ting nomoa, hao for kaikai tomorrow” (Thinking how I could get food to eat tomorrow)
SWN: How do your children cope?
A: My children have no other choice but to accept whatever is available on the table for them. Sometimes dry cassava, tea with ring cakes, “hem nomoa mi save kasim. Mi sore bata hati nao” (That’s all I can afford, I’m sad about it but there’s no other way).
SWN: How supportive is your husband?
A: This is the saddest part about my life. My husband never tried looking for a job to assist me. All he enjoys is his bottle of kwaso (locally brewed liquor). He never even tries to cut the firewood, make a garden or find ways to earn money.
SWN: Do you make any attempt to ask your relatives or in laws to help you?
A: I tried but the response was not good so I just carry on trying my best to save little by little to cater for my children’s need. I recalled one night when my son asked me if I can approach my brother and ask for assistance but I told my son that they have kids to look after too and I’m too ashamed to ask.
SWN: What’s the hardest thing in your experiences?
A: The hardest thing was coming to terms with the fact that my husband will never fulfil his role as a father. I got so stressed that I attempted suicide several times but luckily my eldest son always comforted me and told me from time to time not to worry too much about dad’s attitude.
He always tells me. “Mummy whatever happens just keep praying, God knows what is best for us.” At one stage my heart nearly broke when my son told me that he was going to quit his education because he couldn’t bear watching me suffer but I told my son not to give up. No matter how hard it was I will try each day and make every effort to support them with their school fee and other necessities.
SWN: What can you say to husbands who never sees the importance to support their wives & children?
A: I’m begging fathers, who are neglecting their families to think straight, see the suffering of your wife and children and please try to be a man and find small ways to contribute and help your family to survive the challenges we face.
Also parents it’s best to teach and shape our children with the right attitude so that our kids can be more responsible for their own families. We need to stop this kind of behavior because our women and children are suffering.
